Drunk Spelling Bee Buzzes Purdy

Unfortunately Michelle can't spell meticulously.

So it's back to the bee. In the second round and thereafter, free liquor must be earned. If you get the word right, you drink. Six rounds and 20 minutes in, most of the contestants are out. The previous month's winner — a doughy guy in jeans — leaves when he misspells the word collaborate after seven shots. Clearly the alcohol makes the process more difficult.

By round eight, Katie and a curvy babe in denim shorts named Jennifer are duking it out for the title of top-gun drunken geek. The tense crowd sways depending on level of intoxication. Some people stumble ever so slightly, and others trip over their own feet. Then there's Dale, a ripped black dude in his midthirties who's rooting, quite ardently, on Team Jennifer's side of the mass. He full-out booty dances whenever his favorite participant gets a word right. She spells fluorescent; Dale's ass shakes.

I ask him to spell Xanax.

"Z-y-n-a-x" he replies, "but I'm from Plantation, so I don't have any cool South Beach/Xanax stories."

Jennifer spells her last word, charismatic, incorrectly. She's noticeably drunk, but still holds herself well. As she sulkily stomps over to her group of friends, I notice her white pointed heels. I ask Dale what he thinks of them.

"I think white is the sexiest color, because it's very pure and you want to always think you're the first, so white's nice. I mainly date white girls," he says proudly. "It's like Coke or Pepsi; you like one or the other."

Nice. Race-based philosophy.

Back at the bee, Katie is on the verge of winning. She has to spell only one more word, abbreviate, correctly. Before starting — even though she's nine shots in — she gives Soarse a look that screams "Seriously?" before nailing it and taking another shot.

After her victory, Katie invites me over to the bar to share the spoils. A few bottles of Miller High Life later, I let her in on next month's Wu-Tang theme. Because she'll be defending her title, I ask her to spell the name of The Clan's de facto leader, RZA.

"R-i-z-z-a?"

And sadly the first word Katie gets wrong is an abbreviation.

I blame the Happy Meals.